Practical Tools for Time Alone

Nothing in the world prepares you for the feelings that come the first time your kids walk out the door to stay with your ex-spouse. You expect to miss the little hellions, but the overwhelming anger, guilt, bitterness, and shame? Well, those can come as a total surprise.

Basically, it feels like your insides are being scooped out with a melon baller, one muscle at a time.

But your kids need and deserve time with their other parent, so you have to find a way to survive. This post is about that: you and me finding some creative ways to handle the time alone.

Continue reading “Practical Tools for Time Alone”

Thriving Alone

During the first few months after a divorce or separation, it’s critical to take whatever time you need to get through the kaleidoscope of crap that boomerangs back every time you feel like you’ve come far enough to let it go.

Kid-less days are the best time to go for it, so use them to sob, scream, and rage clean to your heart’s content.

Then, when your kids return, hug them and tell them how glad you are to see them—and how glad you are they got to see their other parent (this part gets easier).

After those first months have passed, you’re going to find yourself in a strange place: sad to see the kids go, but … well, kind of glad too. Almost relieved. Because guess what?

 

When you’re sure they’re safe and happy, you no longer feel so guilty for the time apart. And when you happily shrug off the mantle of “parent,” you start to remember yourself.

 

Continue reading “Thriving Alone”

Article: “Children and Divorce: At Eight Years Old, His Family Shattered.”

“At eight years old, his family shattered. At nine, he left his house and friends to move to an apartment beside a busy road where dogs bark, kids shout, and he isn’t allowed to run inside because it might disturb the neighbors.

“But he isn’t concerned with childish things; he’s too afraid, too hurt. The first weekend he spends with his father is agony. He feels disloyal; he feels angry. When he says ‘Goodbye,’ his voice is breaking, and his mother later tells him, ‘If you need to live with your dad for a while, I’ll understand. We’ll work it out.’ ”

From Divorced Moms.

Working & Homeschooling: a Realistic Approach.

I have homeschooled my son since he was in kindergarten. There have been many challenges, some of which I’ve documented, but overall, learning at home has helped my son thrive.

With so many changes this year, however, homeschooling began to feel impossible. Over the summer, I researched local school options heavily, asking questions and reading whatever I could get my hands on. Of course there would be trade-offs, but I had to be realistic. Working and homeschooling? I’m not Wonder Woman.

Learning the realities of the options I wanted for my son (a small, private school experienced in twice-exceptional kids) vs. what I could afford (the local public school and an IEP) was gutting. On top of that, my son was adamant about continuing to homeschool, no matter how much I explained that because I would be working in between teaching, we would not only have less frivolous time together during the week but he would also be more responsible for learning what was required of a 4th grader—and for keeping a good attitude toward schoolwork.

For me, working was no longer an option; it was a necessity. And we would both have to adjust accordingly. Continue reading “Working & Homeschooling: a Realistic Approach.”

Gaining from Loss (learning to be strong when there’s no other choice).

It isn’t my norm to post about personal goings-on here—except when they have the potential to help others. Then? I’m all for it.

Today I want to talk about something universal: learning to be strong when there’s no other choice. And right now, there is no other choice.

Continue reading “Gaining from Loss (learning to be strong when there’s no other choice).”